During this weeks class gathering on thursday evening, we were asked to write down three accomplishments that we are most proud of. When asked this I first really struggled trying to come up with something. After some thoughts jumbling around in my head it hit me really hard what they were. In my whole life I have never had such great challenges as I faced since Elizabeth was diagnosed with Leukemia, and so my greatest accomplishments happened during this time.
The first accomplishment that I am most proud of is getting shots without nearly passing out. To understand why this would be a great accomplishment for me, you have to understand how hard I used to struggle with needles. Just a couple weeks before Elizabeth was diagnosed with Leukemia, I had to get a shot. After I got my shot and was checking out, I dropped to the floor nearly just shy of blacking out. I kept trying to be brave as an adult to get shots by myself, but found that if I did I would not be able to drive home anytime soon after.When I got shots I would get extremely dizzy, pale, and clammy. Even discussions about shots would leave me feeling weak. A nurse came in to draw blood off Elizabeth's IV line the first night we were in the hospital with Elizabeth, I panicked and nearly hyperventilated while I was holding her. This is why I noticed a huge difference when I got my flu shot after Elizabeth was diagnosed.
The second accomplishment that I am most proud of is shaving off my hair. I wrote about it here http://angellezjani.blogspot.com/2013/07/operation-bald-us.html
The third accomplishment that I am most proud of is being able to stay in the room while Elizabeth gets her Lumbar Puncture (Spinal Tap). Watching others get poked is similar to my experiences with getting shots. I was able to work through holding Elizabeth when she had her port accessed and de-accessed, but it took longer for me to be able to handle her Lumbar Punctures. Lumbar Punctures (LP) are routine for Elizabeth's treatment, and in the beginning Brian was able to be there whenever she got one. But I had decided that I wanted to be strong enough to be able to stay with her because I knew Brian would not be able to go every time she had a LP, and I do not like leaving her alone (even if she is asleep through it). The last LP that Elizabeth had before we moved from Michigan last summer, I finally did it. I felt strong enough, and determined enough to do it. I stayed in the room with Elizabeth while she got her LP!
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This reflection of what I have accomplished since Elizabeth was diagnosed with Leukemia has come as we have reached two years since Elizabeth first went to the hospital with Leukemia (ER on October 18, 2012; diagnosed October 22, 2012). It's been on my mind a lot, and it has been a blessing to realize some of the good things that have come out of this for me. I have grown and done things I never thought I could do. It hasn't been easy, but I am grateful for what I have learned about myself and what I can accomplish. Through it all I know that my Heavenly Father, and my Savior has been right beside me. I know I couldn't have done it all without them. They helped me overcome my anxieties of needles enough to be able to be strong enough for Elizabeth's many 'pokies' during her treatment, gave me a purpose by giving me the idea to shave my hair, and much more. As Elizabeth says, "Jesus is in my heart!"
