My aunt, uncle and grandmother from Utah were visiting our family in Michigan. My husband, daughter, and I were invited to a family dinner with them at another uncle’s home in Detroit. I was ecstatic! Moving away from most of my family for my husband’s graduate schooling at Michigan State University made me grateful for every opportunity I got to see family members. After dinner I anticipated the usual card game or such with lots of catching up, laughter, memories, and inside jokes. What happened left me feeling disappointed and empty. While sitting surrounded by loved ones, most were staring intently at their individual phone screen, playing games with other people from around the country. I was observing firsthand the desocialization epidemic that is sweeping our society. Smartphones are interfering in interpersonal relationships by distracting, and hindering social interactions.
Social media friends, followers, likes, and comments can give the impression of a healthy social life; however, this is a false gauge for depth or breadth of one’s interpersonal relationships. In our day of laptops, tablets, and smartphones we can be “connected” to our social media friends nearly all the time. Blogging, Facebook posts, Facetime, text messaging and such can constantly be at our fingertips to broadcast to our family, friends, and the world what is happening in our lives, but does this develop deep relationships? Being one to live far away from family and friends I know that it’s not for me. Give me a single one-on-one time with eye contact and a real hug any day over 50+ ‘likes’ and comments on my Facebook post. There is a time and place for social media, but I prefer to not let it replace time spent together face-to-face.
More and more often when people are together there is little to no face-to-face interaction going on. Smartphones are distracting from communicating with those in the same room. Having smartphones in hand for looking something up, texting, or checking social media are an obvious distraction. There has been some research that has found another less noticeable way that our phones are causing distractions without even touch them. According to Andrew K. Przybylski and Netta Weinstein of the University of Essex have found that just having a phone in the same room can interfere with the depth of a social interaction (237).
Another researcher from the University of North Carolina, Barbara L. Fredrickson, and her research team learned more about a nerve that connects the brain to the heart, which is called the vagus nerve. Fredrickson said the strength of the connection is called the “vagal tone” which was originally believed to stay the same, but they discovered it to be plastic, or changeable, by social habits of connecting face-to-face (SR14). Connecting face-to-face more often enlarges the vagal tone. The higher the vagal tone the better, as your body is then better able to regulate internal responses, such as immune response and cardiovascular. Also, increasing vagal tone increases the capacity for “connection, friendship and empathy” (SR14). As we work on deepening our connections we can strengthen our vagal tone, or our ability to develop relationships with others and have a healthier body. However, if we keep to our screens, and put off spending time working our social muscles, the vagal tone can become weaker. Let’s be conscientious about how we use our phones.
Just like a hammer, smartphones are tools, not an appendage to be attached to the body throughout the day. There are times when we need a hammer, but if used incorrectly or at the wrong time, it can crush and harm that which is precious. Don’t let smartphones hinder, or harm precious relationships. Let’s take charge to strengthen our bodies and connections with others by enlarging our vagal tone. Put down our phones and look up at the ones we love. Make a date to visit with a good friend over lunch or dinner. Leave the phone in the other room when talking to your spouse. Look your children in the eyes when they want to talk. Break out those dusty board games or deck of cards, or whatever activity that encourages face-to-face connections, and make some new memories with the ones who matter most. Don’t let smartphones distract you from those who are sitting right in front of you. Don’t crush the chances to strengthening interpersonal relationships.
Works Cited
Przybylski, Andrew K., and Netta Weinstein. "Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality." Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 30.3 (2013): 237-246.
Fredrickson, Barbara. “Your Phone vs. Your Heart.” The New York Times 24 March 2013. SR14. Print.
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